so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Randomize
