I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
