im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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