You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
