Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
