Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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