I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
