Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
