cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
