I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
