Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
