I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize