TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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