There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
