I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
