Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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