talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
