He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
