I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
