Apparently you make a good broom.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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