never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
