...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
