make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize