I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
