Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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