i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
