what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
