I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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