the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Drake has all the answers
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
