Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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