I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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