mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize