i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
