I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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