p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize