and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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