"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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