1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
