Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
