I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
