I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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