cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
