WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
