Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
