I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
My legs feel like baby dolphins
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
