Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
