May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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