well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
