Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
