guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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