i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
