i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
