I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i need an iv and a liver transplant
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
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