well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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