The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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