Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
how drunk are you?
Several
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize