Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
