one two three fourrrrnication!
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
