I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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