i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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