My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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