we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
