i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
