Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize