gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Randomize
