I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize