Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
