There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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