Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
