2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
His nipple licking is glorious
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