I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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