the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
