wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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