I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
