I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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