she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I am full of burrito and curiosity
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize