i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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