Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
