I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
