But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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