i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
