Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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