I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
