No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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