What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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