he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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