32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
did i just pee glitter
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
