thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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