Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
