I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
