the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
