did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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