Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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