I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
