I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
